Hi whoever you are, so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
I’m sorry i haven’t written for a while… not that anyone actually reads this stuff but y’know. Anyway, it’s been a year. A year today he died, a year today he killed himself and left his family. I know this sounds weird considering I haven’t seen him for 2 years but when someone impacts your life so much you can’t forget someone like that. He will never see his two children grow up. Won’t see them learn how to ride a bike, or jump off the diving board by themselves for the first time, won’t be there for blowing out the candles when they finally turn 10, won’t be there when they start driving, when his daughter first cries over a boy, when they graduate highschool, when they are old enough to be known as an adult, won’t be able to walk her down the aisle or meet his wife, won’t be able to hold his grand kids in his hands and remember back when they were that small. He’ll miss out on everything. For now, I can still hear his laugh ringing in my ear when I think of it, I can remember how red his face would go when he would get mad at me and I think of him when certain songs come on or on the 2nd day of every month because I know that on that day and today his wife can’t stop thinkking about him. It makes me sad to think about if one day, I won’t be able to remember his laugh, or his voice. I don’t want to forget the way he used to smile or joke around. But even though it all sucks and even though I will never get over the fact that he left them i can’t help but hope that he is happy where he is. And that now he is free and still watching his family. So, Mr. Hoskin I want you to know I love you, I will always love you and I miss you. You meant more to us then you think you did and I regret not realizing your problems earlier. After you were gone I noticed all the signs. I will follow you into the dark.
i’ll try and write again soon. I love you, whoever you might be.

Hi whoever you are, i’m sorry i haven’t written for a while.
I’ve been busy. with friends, family, school, boys, y’know. A lot has happened in a month.
Let’s start with friends. So the last year my life has almost revolved around her, i’ve been doing everything I can to make her happy because she has problems and whatever. A year ago she was with this guy who I have always and still do really like and he’s a nice guy but I didn’t like them together and she knew that. Even though I didn’t like them, I went with it and when she told me to stop talking about them in a bad way, I did. Turns out I was right and they broke up in like may or something… Then she finds this new guy who I knew through work and he was our peer tutor in drama class and yes I like him. But before her and him had a thing or started dating my other really good friend in the class liked him a lot too and my best friend new that. But went after her anyway. I didn’t like the fact that she did that to my other friend and so I didn’t want them to date. There were a bunch of stupid fights over it or whatever and in the end i WANTED HER TO BE HAPPY and told her to have him. They are still together. and even though there is still a part of me that will always think what she did to my other friend was mean and not fair, i support her in it. She said this boy makes her happy and that she is getting better with her depression and stuff and I thought that y’know, I did my part. I helped her be with him meaning that maybe i’ve done what I can to MAKE HER HAPPY.
A year. A year I spent with mainly her. I gave up some other friends and when she said she was happy with him I started to become closer with the friends I had left for a bit. All of a sudden she started acting weird around me like this week and we had a fight today about something she told her boyfriend about me that he doesn’t need to know. Even though i’m not mad at all I just told her I didn’t want him knowing stuff about me…
AND I ACTUALLY CAN’T DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW. I’M SICK OF EVERYTHING IN MY LIFE BEING ABOUT HER AND MAKING SURE SHE IS SOMEWHAT HAPPY, AND THIS, AND THAT AND FUCK IT. i’m tired of this.

I’m not going to talk about the other stuff because that wore me out
i’ll try and write again soon. I love you, whoever you might be.